like hi bulitin like you wont beleeve this!

so after dr lilllaa dumpss me for...a boy...ha! and like then she has the nerve to get a restrayning order on me when i try to patch things up by calling her every 20 minutes and IMing her all the time but like this takes the caike!

one of dr liloos friends payed trubute to me saturday by painting an enourmous painting of me in a park filled with drunks and drug addicts...and dr l and Jermy Kanye go and have some sort of hipster picknic in front of it! how dare she mock my anguish? just wait until I am done with COLOR MY ASS LIL!A

like hi blog i was just checking my my space acount and like i am pissed because like courtney love defreiend me and even thoug i kno eits not her that realy runs her account i am pissed because some self entitled fruitopian named 'boulevardier' is in carge of her accoutn which means whens hes in a bad mood and his rufus wainright CD skips he starts editing crotney fan page and that sucks.

that sad part is that he posts so many random thought about his lame lif e and being suesd by a colledge and stuff like.. just because courtney is crazy nd likes dramam and attenthion, jusyt because you make your own drama...it doesnt mean youre interesting....

i am bi

Like what uop blog

I am likr e hopfully you had a goos summer because I didn’t I got pison ivy in the woods behind my house because I showed some boy my clam bake and then I got robbed by som homeless man at the liqker store I gave him twentee dolirs and he didn’t buy me anthing he just left and then I found out my mom hired me some lame tutor so I can pass a graed in school and it turns out hes a fruit and appreshiates my sassyness .

So other than that I have bein working on my one grrrl play about my breif afare with Dr. Lilos called COLOR MY ASS LILA and it is empowered and I am going to send a copy to eve ensler because I think she would want to do a monolg about it.

COLOR MY ASS LILA is about a a preeteen super vixen called Sally (me) and like sally hirt her back because she drove her moms car into a wall making a video for blondies SuSie and Jeffrey for a videoo contest and so at 11 59 sally hurts her back and has to see a chiropractir so sally goes to Neww Yirk becau that s where all the sassy back crackers are and like sally meets dr liloswhile she was modeling the stock exchange and dr lilas like “Have you ever heard of a theme park” and I was like “thats where im going stallion” and we made out and like after she exrayed my pelvis and grabbed my hips and made me lay down and it was a nice first date tho I didn’t knowwhy she was asking me about insurince? I mean mood kill right.

So me and docter lillla have a secind date and like when I fell ssaleep she touched my bum and stole my lucky baret and and add isult to enjury she had the NERVE to inviter her man pal Jermy Kanye to our date and likeI don’t mind threesonemes because s I am progresive but like he rubed me the wrong way when he was like “kiss it” …rude!

Then durct lila said she cant SEE me anymore more because my insurance was denyied like what kind of lame break up excuse it that I mean c’mon.

Iwont give away the ending but it involves carrie white like scene at dr lolooks office and jJermy Kanye gets tied to a cross likeJesus except no one gives Jermy Kanye Red bull like Jesus. No redbull=no wings bitch.

I am bi
sally

like hi blog

since there is a heat wave and i have chemically treeated hair i will NOT be outside getting wig welt so like i was in my bedroom trying to figure out WHY i should NOT throw my tv out the wondiw. I havent found a good reason yet only a whole host of reasons why I should.

1. I saw an repeat of avril levine on SNL from i think the other night and i think she gets her songs froms the same lady who writes feriges spelling bee songs writin for the comperhenshin of a 10 year old.

2. the fucking bridge in minisoda! ENOUGH! I swear everuty time something shitty happins to someone now the meadia spins it into a story of 9/11 proportions covering every single possible angle to death!

The death toll
The survivors
The people who witnessed the crash
The families of the dead
Bridge experts and what THEY think happined
People who painted the brigde recently and what they saw
Grief counselors for the fish in the river helping them cope with the sky falling

3. Now the mines! Brigdes were SO early this morning.
CNN covered a live news confrince in which the ownere of the mine robert murray gave such a slow, overly dramatic speach complete with 10 second moments of silnece in bewteen every sentence while he yelled at the helicopters over head...it was like watching and SNL skit.

News angles
The minors families - their grief
Earthquakes or poor enginerring - you decide
Who are these fallen hereos
Coal - Slient killer of miminum wage workers

The news sucks i cant wait to see what Nacney Grace has to say about this tonight i think i have to send her another pound of raw meet in the mail with a name tag on it that reads "Nancy Grace".

I am bi

xxx

sally

Abe Linkiln
Jefferosn Thom
They didnt need
The Atomic Bom

I am bi

hi blog so it seems liek thats im not the only one emoshinilly devisteayed that me and dr lila borkeup like one of her crazy friends emailided me this picshure they just took of her the other day and like aparintly her greef is so extremem that she cant bare to pick up a frok and eat and like though she looks like a foxy chiken wing she is too skinny and like i hope she is not taking that key diet to the extreme and i mean it looks like shes cracking her OWN neck like i guess its easier to ajust your spine when you can see it right threw your clothes!

i am bi

xxx
sally

like hi blof

with all this dr lilla desease and desist restrianing order NONSENCE i almost forget to tell you that i finally found mary alice and like i havent seeen her in months or something and like i thought her chrischin fundamenitlist parints sent her off to jesus camp again like they did last year after she played Teri Shivo in my play The Pashin Of The Shivo but no she achuily was abduckted by her uncle

he is like a freak and lives in this creepy house near the woods and like the house has this tunnel sort of maze underneath it like silenice of the lambs and like me and mary aloice snuck down there one day and like he had all these boy scount manikins down there with shitrts on but no pants and cages and lots of dvds and i was this is how he entertains its no wonder he has know friends and like didnt think of it.

but mary aloice said that he made her dance for his friends and stuff and he videeio taped it and like they put it on the goggle which is kind of gross and like they made her go on the key diet like dr lila so she is super skinnty thoug not as skinny as me and she said it burns when she pees and i was like isnt it supose too?

anyway she looks tweeked so her mom put her to bed three days ago and she is still sleeping so when she walkeds up i will ask her more about her undeground sex work like thats so fucked WHERE IS DATELINE WHEN YOU NEED THEM like they atre wasting their time "capchuring sex offenders" though I gueess if they were REALLT good at their job they wouldnt be catching so many first time offenders...think ABOUT THAT NANCY GRACCCE!

LIKE Catie couric says.. PEACCE OUT BITCHES

xxx

sally

hi blog,

i am like realiy upset that like dr lilas is still not talking to me she even sent me a retsaint order even though i live in PA NOT NEW YORIK but like this fancy court paper says that she things I am a THREAT and a NUSISINCE and that if she finds anymore baby dolls with nives stuck in their heads outside her office than i will be arestid

so like i am writing a new saphroic play about being dumped by dr loila and it will be called COLOR MY ASS LIZA and it will deal with all the motionsial greef and pain that she caused me by breaking up with me even though when she was working o my back she touched my boob once and did i sent her a DESCEST AND DIDSIST letter....NO

saly

like everyone knows i dont watch tv because i find all of those meninyne hygine product comershils disgustin and like the world doesnt need to constintly be reminded that grrrlz burst once a month and like the guy from south park says "i dont trust anything that bleeds for sevin days and live"...EXACTLY so they make boys think we are untrustwortyh.

but I was bored and put on the TV the other night and saw that stupid show with Ty Pembington call AMICAS EXTREEME HOME MAKEOUVER and i cant evin BEGIN to te;; you how offensive i find it...but i'll try!

the pretense of the show is that the AEHM team troll the Google and find some poor family that has 12 kids and lives in a mototr oil shantee or like some other family where the mother and father didnt feel like cleaning their house and the TV show, along with a SICKENING AMOUNT OF CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP comes in, send the disempowered family on a cruise while the AEHM knocks down their old roach motel and builds them a new ski resort sized house which the family will never beable to afford to pay the taxes on nevermind the utilitee bills...GREAT PLAN!

but thats not even the worse part! SEARS the show is hosted by that sun baked fake model cum carpintar from Trading Spaces Tye Pembington who has all the charm of an 8 year old boy on Red Bull. He cant utter a single word without screaming it and his body constantly writhes and shakes so much that you think cocaine will spinkles out of his ears at some point.

HOME DEPOT He is accompanied by a sterile bunch of focus group picked sidekicks to help him build the unfortunate familys a new McMansion: the pretty blonde lady with horsey chicklet vineers, the fruity interior designer who makes everything FABOULUS!!!, the bald Collin Farrell lookalike carpenter… all of whom do an excellent job with there affected speech and crying-on-cue blubbering!

LOWES Weekafter week they lift up dirty welcome mats to find the most poorest family in the most poorest towns in America and lay a big slopping bowl of molasses and sprinkled sugar on them telling them that’s ITS OK they had 15 kids and like and like ITS OK their kids had kids and all 35 of them live in one house and have spent beyond their means and now live in emotioshinal and finanshil ruin because in CORPORATE SPONSORED AMERICA, there is no such things as accountability so get on your DISNEY CRUISE and let SEARS, LOWES, HOME DEPOT, FRIGIDAIRE, VIKING, DELL, POTTERY BARN, GE swoop in and make it all better.

Insert finger, VOMIT!

like i am confusid and dont now what to do like since dr lila broke up with me i ahve been trying to fgyure out a way to get her back to i bot a wee jee board and thought i would try to chanel the gost of jane mansfeld, you know, mariskas law and orders mother, and like because i thought she was blonde and empowererred and maybe she could help me.

but like mary alice started making fun of the bord doing all that lite as a feather stiff as a board faruza balk - the craft shit and like the bored flew across the room and mary alice thought the gosts where mad and i was like no bitch, that we me, your pising me off so i threw MA out and started playing nice with the wee jee bord and like knocked on it and aske if jane was home and like someone invited me in for ice tea but like it tunred out no to be jane but instead it was a bad spirit and it flew out of the bord and into my closit and now i am fucked because i have to get dressed but i cant open the door.

so i asked Ribbits if i can borrow some of his paintings to scare the ghosts away i heard that they make great theft deterents so i figured maybe they would scar the afterlife too.

please HELP ME I AM BI